aftermath of ecstasy

lights out.
blinds closed.
But the flashing blue lights
from police cars
still stream through
and flicker across my ceiling
celebrating a murder.

as tempted as i am, i refuse to go near the window.
the ordeal that made my heart stop is over.
the ten gun shots that grazed the
worlds of my loved ones have ceased
the ten gun shots that crazed my mind
for your lives, have seized
the safety of a stranger.

so everyone has dispersed,
sleeping off the trauma
of an overwhelming fear
that gripped us so tight
we couldn't breathe.

but i'm still up,
remembering involuntarily
the last time i was so afraid.
the last time being when i feared
for my own life.
i fear for you, the way i fear for me.

but even as the blue lights
continue to dance
their way into the night
i don't dare
move the blinds and peek.
i don't dare
witness a tragedy
that came too close to being mine.